Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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