That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
