nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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