I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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