then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize