My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Randomize
