I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You're like the curious george of whores
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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