I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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