i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
