He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
My feet surprised me
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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