I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
