Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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