That's intense
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
