Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
