Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
