You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
