I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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