I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize