In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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