I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
