I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
