i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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