just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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