they need to just BURY HIM!
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
