you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
so let's talk penis.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
