When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
