New invention idea: vibrating tampons
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
