so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize