yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
