I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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