ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
