How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
