No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
