After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
She said her name was "party"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
