We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
