Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
