so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
