just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Randomize
