My underwear smells like fireworks.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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