who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
