Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
