When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
