Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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