after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
