normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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