I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
