Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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