Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
