therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
handjob tips. give me some.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
