The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize