when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize