Ambien. No doubt about it.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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