Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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