went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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