I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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