i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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