Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
