I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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