we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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