i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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