I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
