her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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