That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
