so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
