it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
