dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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