Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
