i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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