that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize