Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Randomize
