apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
