he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
