Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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