If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
