By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
