found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
