Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
