You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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