She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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