She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
