hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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