so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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