my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Randomize
