please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
