I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Little spoons don't ask big questions
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
